Some of my favourite Discworld quotes:
Every evil tyrant has a plan to rule the world. The good people don’t seem to have the knack.
– Guards! Guards!
The intelligence of that creature known as a crowd is the square root of the number of people in it.
– Jingo
He’d noticed that sex bore some resemblance to cookery: it fascinated people, they sometimes bought books full of complicated recipes and interesting pictures, and sometimes when they were really hungry they created vast banquets in their imaginations – but at the end of the day they’d settle quite happily for egg and chips.
– The Fifth Elephant
Sin is when you treat people as things. Including yourself.
– Carpe Jugulum
People -think- they want good government and justice for all, yet what is it they really crave, deep in their hearts? Only that things go on as normal and tomorrow is pretty much like today.
– Feet of Clay
He had always thought that heroes has some special kind of clockwork that made them go out and die famously for god and country. It had never ocurred to him that they might do it because they’d get yelled at if they didn’t.
– Jingo
There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot be easily duplicated by a normal, kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.
– Small Gods
The trouble with being a god is that you’ve got no one to pray to.
– Small Gods
The kingdom of Lancre operated on the feudal system, which is to say, everyone feuded all the time and handed on the fight to their descendants.
– Carpe Jugulum
It is in the deserts and high places that religions are generated. When men see nothing but bottomless infinity over their heads, they have always had a driving and desperate urge to find someone to put in the way.
– Jingo
I remember my own granny sayin’ to me that a lady should always wear something in bed because it keeps a man int’rested, which is why I gen’rally find it convenient to keep my hat on.
– Nanny Ogg
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